Monday, May 19, 2008

Toe jelly


Holy skunk feet, Batman! Why do they keep trying to bring these things back? Jelly shoes have had more lives than Jason Voorhies. And much like Jason Voorhies, these toxic toe shoes should die, die, die!


Okay, they aren't the ugliest shoe out there. The candy-colored combo work boot/stiletto that all the hip hop girls were styling a few years ago are by-far uglier, no question. And those tennis shoes with the round bottoms that are supposed to workout your legs are heeeeeiiiinous. And okay, also, these are a vegan alternative. If no cows must die for your footwear, this might be a logical choice.


But let's face it, nothing gives you a case of the funky foot like a pair of jellies. The amount of sweat these things induce is just appalling. Feet just marinate in their own sauce in there. Not even crusty Birks feet are as bad as jelly stink. Believe me, if you've ever been in a room where 6 teenage girls kick off their jelly kicks, you will have flashbacks for the rest of your life. I'm surprised the fire alarm didn't go off. Huuuuuh!


And now they rise, like the undead villain that just won't stay down. That particular pair was going for "are you insane????" price of 45 smackers on Amazon (yes, you read that right. $45.00 http://www.amazon.com/Amy-Jo-Gladstone-Womens-Princess/dp/B000Z8Q1RI/ref=pd_bbs_12?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1211220317&sr=8-12). There's just no reason for this. I'm filing a cease and desist order. No jellies on anyone over 5 years old. And don't try to tell me you are a special case, and your feet don't stink in 'em. I know the do.

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