The Top 5 Things I would rather do than see G.I. Joe the movie this weekend:
- Host a Wiggles themed birthday party for 23 sugared up 4-year olds. By myself. With a bounce house.
- Eat beet salad and pickled okra washed down with Orange Crush, sitting in the middle of a medical waste dump, while listening to a super group album by Michael Bolton, Yanni, John Tesh and Kenny G. Whoa – I just hit my own gag reflex there. Gimme a second.
- Read the Twilight series in its entirety.
- Make a porn movie featuring a three-way between me, Rush Limbaugh and Angelina Jolie that would be reviewed real time by Perez Hilton and Manohla Dargis. (I'd have to see Limbaugh naked, look like a man compared to Angelina Jolie and have to hear about it – welcome to the Inferno).
- Go see Julie & Julia. Don't mind if I do.