Friday, February 12, 2010

Dropping a motion on the court's ass

Okay, this story got me stoked up. This is that a$$hole that kidnapped Jaycee Duggard. Actually he's at the point where a$$hole and bugf### nuts meet. Crazy and mean. In the old west he'd have been taken out in back of the saloon and shot like a dog. The good old days.

Anyway. This shmuck wants his lawyers to get him in contact with his victim. I'm assuming that he thinks that once he talks to her, he can get her back under his thumb and she'll say she was staying with him because she wanted to, and he'll be off the hook. So, if we're keeping count that's a$$hole, bugf### nuts and arrogant.

Personally, if I was in the prosecutors office, I know exactly what my legal response would be. And I don't want to get too technical here and all wrapped up in the legalese. But I think the correct motion to file would be, "I don't have to tell you dick." Possibly with a whereas or a ipso facto thrown in. "Whereas you are an a$$hole, and ipso facto bugf### nuts, I don't have to tell you dick. Habeas corpus."

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Snow White, Grumpy and a Little Dopey

Alright, now I’m just grumpy. We were supposed to have “wintry mix” start around 2:00 am. More rain than snow, becoming snow in the afternoon. I kept waking up and cocking one ear towards the window – no rain? Good. Maybe we’ll only get a little sideswipe from this storm. Then just before I got out of bed I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funny if the reason I haven’t heard rain is because it snowed instead, and I opened the curtain to everything covered in white? Ha, ha, ha.” Actually, it’s not funny at all.

We already had 3 inches at sunrise. And it’s been coming down in waves of tiny specks to fat flakes for hours. I’d take a picture out the window for you, but from the 45th floor it wouldn’t be very interesting. Hold up a piece of blank paper in front of your face and you’ll get about the same experience.

And so I’m just sitting here thinking about my cold, damp, windblown trudge to the train station. And the choice of routes that I have from the train station, which range from nasty to nastier to suicidal. People in Texas go snow-loco. They don’t know how to drive in it. And the concept of slowing down in hazardous conditions appears to be a completely foreign concept. I take that back. Somebody at this very moment is driving 4 miles an hour on the freeway. With their brights on.

This is of course assuming that I’m actually able to leave downtown tonight. Not a guarantee. Which, of course, takes not fun and multiplies it by a million.

If I dare even for a second complain about hot weather this summer, I want you to take a snowball that you saved in the freezer and just whip it at my head.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Fish, houseguests and winter weather

Are we done with winter? Cause I think I’m done with winter. I’ve had just plenty. Plenty of cold, plenty of cold and wet, plenty of cold and wet and gray and windy and just plain awful. Bluh.

It’s been an atypically wintery winter here. And nobody is immune this year. From freaky cold in LA to Snowpocalypse in DC. Hell, even Florida (Florida!!) had a bad freeze this year. That’s just wrong. Old people go there to stay warm. On a scale of miserable, this one is blowing the bell curve. I don't like it. I just . . . don't. And anyone who says anything about loving winter can just suck it. You are wrong.

So, I think we’re done. Winter has been an inconsiderate houseguest and outstayed its welcome. It’s time for you to go. And don’t try to steal the towels on your way out.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Well, I guess he did do it his way

Sinatra Song Often Strikes Deadly Chord -

This is an interesting article about how in the Phillipines there as been a run of murders over people singing "My Way" at karaoke bars. I wish we took the arts more seriously in this country. But killing somebody over a Sinatra tune seems a little extreme. I mean, WaGa might cut a bitch over DMSR. But she wouldn't kill actually anybody.

Auhw! Check my flo!

Okay, I did not know this until I started reading some of the commentary on the Super Bowl ads. And if it hadn’t been mentioned so often for it’s really misogynistic content, I probably never would have noticed it at all. Because basically, it appears to be a boys-will-be-boys channel, and its advertising contained some He Man Woman Haters Club propaganda. But, that aside – there is a TV channel called Flo TV.

Uh-huh. Flo TV. Really. Does it have a sassy, red beehive and tell Mel the Cook to kiss their grits? Flo TV. Is their main advertiser Tampax? Genius move, boys. Way to be the Chevy Nova of TV. It's called a connotation. Look into it. You’ve officially made Syfy no longer the stupidest name on cable.

Of course, their ad campaign cranked on men who let their woman ball-bust them into shopping trips. First, does any woman really want their man to go shopping with them? Is that ever a pleasant experience? And second, if these macho-macho men of Flo TV ever spent time with a woman in a non-judgmental, open-minded way, one of the women they know might have clued them in before they filed for a channel name with the FCC.

The fine art of giving up

Okay, well, Lent approaches. And I’m finally convinced that I need to make up a new word what it is that I do. I’m tired of the oddball looks from people who know I’m not religious, let alone a Catholic. I give up. I’ll call it . . . I don’t know. Something else. But I’m still starting the day after Mardi Gras. It just makes too much sense to have an officially sanctioned indulgence day. But I’m going end April 1st. A good day to start up with foolishness again.

So. The eliminating processed foods is ramping up well. I’ve added in much more fruit. I should have most, if not all, of the processed foods out of my house by the weekend. I’ve discovered I can make a fairly reliable bread. I’ve got beans and rice stocked. I won’t starve. My nervous factor on this is far lower than last year’s vegetarian not-Lent thing (see, that’s no good; need a better word). And actually, I’m pretty confident that this is an easily attainable goal.

Which puts me in the position that I think I’m going to have to add the thing that I’ve been thinking of giving up. Just to make this a real challenge.

I think I’m going to give up TV.

Actually, I know I’m going to give up TV, because if I don’t at this point I’ll feel like a giant wussburger, and the worst sort of coward. But if I say “I think I’m going to”, it keeps me from going into all out panic mode.

Because this really is a panic for me. I LOVE TV. I’ve been addicted to TV for as long as I can remember. It’s entertainment. It’s the noise in the room when I’m by myself. It’s something to look forward to when there’s nothing much else going on. It’s probably my biggest crutch. And the idea of giving it up makes me want to throw up a little.

I know why I shouldn’t be so dependent on the boob tube. As far as time sucks go, it’s way up there. I could be getting a lot more done in life. I might even have a clean house. Whoa. Let’s not get crazy here. But I definitely would have more time for books, cooking, seeing friends, music, deep thoughts.

I truly do know the level of dependence I have though. And still want to throw up just thinking about it. But, over the time I’ve done this, this sort of reaction really leads me to believe I’m probably doing the right thing. So, I think I’m going to give up TV, too. For . . . well, I guess without TV I’ll have plenty of time to figure out what to call it.

TIME: Quotes of the Day