Doesn't play well with others

I saw on CNN that the US Marshall’s have a tape of some militia leader going off on tape about “the new world order”. Lots of your right-wing-nuts HATE the new world order. Some of them think it’s run by Jews. Some of them think it’s run by communists. Some of them think it’s run by big corporate. Some think it’s the communist Jews who run the big corporations (and I congratulate them on the agility of their mental gymnastic skills – 10.0 from the US judge). But, whatever their fundamental prejudice is, it gets projected onto some secret shadow organization that is out to rule the world – mwah-ha-ha-ha!

Now, personally, I wouldn’t put it past some people in this world. To crib my favorite TV quote: People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. The only thing that saves us from getting barcode tattoos on our foreheads, issued by the new world order, is the fact that I don’t think that you could get the number of people it would take to create a new world order to agree on what exactly a new world order would be for long enough for them to institute a new world order. Have you ever tried to get 10 people to agree on what they wanted to do for lunch? Now try to get them to agree on how they’re going to run the entire planet – “I want an oligarchy!” “No, we had an oligarchy last week. Let’s do a dictatorship.” “Dictatorships give me heartburn. I want to be king of the world.” (That last guy was James Cameron. And I do think he is a big enough egomaniac to try.)

Plus, add to that the fact that nobody has talked. Human beings are just not that good at keeping secrets. Somebody would have given the exclusive to TMZ by now – Next up, is there trouble behind the scenes at the new world order? . . . an “insider” talks exclusively with Harvey Levin.

So really, the great hope of the world is that fact that we’re argumentative, can’t follow instructions and gossipy. See? There’s always a silver lining.

How to explain . . .

Well, here’s the difficulty I’m having with the new way of eating. And, my hand to heaven, I swear I’m not whining. I’m just trying to figure it out. I’ve settled into a habit. Hopefully long-term to lifetime. I can’t say I’ve made peace. I still really wish I could eat junk food. I think of peanut butter crackers wistfully. I stare longingly at the Taco Bueno as I drive by. And it’s not that I won’t ever do those things again. I will go for broke now and again and eat something so chockfull of every food additive known to man that it comes close to being weapons grade. Hell, yeah, I will.

But I can’t do it as a general rule. When something is made patently obvious, like that I don’t have a digestive system that can handle that stuff, you just kind of have to go with it, or you’re really just being stupid. And Mama didn’t raise no fools.

My big issue is with how to explain this. When someone offers me a bag of chips, or a plate of Oreos (dear heaven, I love Oreos), and I have to turn it down, I sound like a fussbudget, even to my own ears. Especially since it seems like everyone asks “Why?” And saying I’ve cut out most processed foods is being taken as judgmental by some people. Which it isn’t. This is what’s working for me. I don’t know if it would work for you. You’d have to try it. And it’s a big hassle to try. Reading labels, and making sure you have food available most of the time that’s okay to eat. There’s a reason they call those things convenience foods. They’re CONVENIENT. If I wasn’t convinced it was worth the effort, I certainly wouldn’t be doing this. But with everything that’s in the media right now about high fructose corn syrup and super calorie foods and the risk that the Naked Chef could show up at your house to do a food intervention (or worse that Jillian lady from Biggest Loser - she scares me), I think people are just getting a little touchy on the subject.

I’m almost tempted to say I have food allergies. Which is, like, just this side of the truth. It’s almost true enough that I don’t feel like a big liar. And people accept food allergies without thinking you’re making some sort of big political/food statement. Because, really, I don’t want to be in this debate. I’m not a good poster child. I just want to go quietly eat my apple, and look at you with jealous eyes as you eat your Oreos. And I still swear I’m not whining.

Fat Chance

So, I went to usher at Fat Pig over at the Performing Arts Center on Sunday. I had to sit on my typing fingers for a day to get calm enough to “talk” about it. Not the actual play itself. I kind of enjoyed it, in a sick and twisted way. The play is mainly populated with people that who would be perfectly nice work acquaintances, of the go have a beer after work variety, but ones that you should under no circumstances allow into your life. Clever, hyper-verbal and foul mouthed, and broken in the ways that tend to break other people.

The main story is about when Tom meets Helen. He’s an up-tight yuppy type, more than happy to conform to social norms, and in fact, he probably takes pride in his ability to toe the line. He’s a salad eater, for god’s sake. He encounters Helen, and likes her. Even though she doesn’t conform to one social norm. She’s a big gal. But she’s made her peace with it. The crux of the play is whether Tom, who attempts to put a toe across that social line, will be able to grow a set and stand up to the angry villagers who’d like chase Helen with flaming, verbal pitchforks. It’s a Neil LaBute play. Spoiler enough, that.

The main reason I had to sit on my fingers was my over-the-top reaction to Tom. To say that I ended up wanting to kick him until he was dead might be a little bit extreme. Not untrue, but extreme. The other characters had their own issues, but were to some extent pitiable. Tom, on the other hand, was all too aware of his flaws. The fact is that he knows better, he wants better, but he doesn’t have the emotional wherewithal to do better. But he doesn’t even have the guts to just man up to that. If you’re good time Charlie, who dates size 2s, with the IQs and hearts to match, fine. Be that. But if you don’t have the heart to go all the way with someone worth committing to, don’t keep putting yourself out there. You’ll get to the end of your own river of denial. Then you’ll have to leave. You just end up hurting people. A lot. The love of a good woman won’t help you. There’s no woman good enough. If you want to be different, work on your own shit. And if you can’t be better, I’m sorry. But you need to live that little hell on your own.

So. Good show? Yeah. Did I like it? No. Definitely not. But I don't think that's the issue. A little moral outrage is good for the soul.