Wednesday, December 28, 2011

On behalf of God and myself, thank you

Okay, I realize I’m speaking as an agnostic here. But I did do my time in Sunday school. I have explored a variety of belief systems. I find much to admire in many of them. And I have a fairly well-developed notion of who I think God would be if such an entity does indeed exist.

Seeing that Awards season and the playoffs are just around the bend - here’s what I’d like to say:

God does not care if you won a football game. God does not have a stake in any professional contest (Super Bowl, Grammy, Oscar, Webby, MTV Moon Man, Plumber of the Year; okay, possibly the Tony. But only if Harry Connick, Jr. and Hugh Jackman both get nominated this year).

God cares that you play fair. God cares that you use the gifts that you have been given in a positive way (that is to say, to the benefit of your fellow children of God, not to buy a Bentley). God will help you show courage of your convictions. God may even send you inspiration when your creative well runs dry (but not if you are writing a song in which you praise smoking weed and abusing “bitches”). God is proud if you use your belief to help you be the best person that you can be, on the field, on the stage, in the recording studio, or under someone’s sink removing the Lego that fell down the drain.

So, quit thanking God. God does not give a rat’s ass.

TIME: Quotes of the Day