Do and/or Die

http://money.cnn.com/2009/05/12/news/economy/SocSec_Medicare_trustees_report/index.htm

You know, back when I was in high school, one of my teachers looked out onto our freshly scrubbed innocent faces and said, "You know that SSI deduction some of you are starting to see on your first pay checks, that you're going to get back when you're old enough to retire? You're never going to see it again. Kiss it goodbye, suckers."

Okay, the suckers may be my addition. Looks like Mr. Hinkleday called that one. I've been forking out on every paycheck for over 20 years, while all those seniors have been blowing my hard earned cash on Polygrip, slot machines and Jack Daniels.

Actually, I don't begrudge them. I went into this with my eyes open. I sleep better knowing that my SSI contribution keeps some granny from having to eat dog food (though evidently it tastes just like pate [http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-pate1-2009may01,0,6580998.story?track=rss], and I think that says more about pate than it does dog food). I like old people.

And I had hoped to be one some day. But it's now looking like I'd be better off taking up a dangerous hobby. Forget knitting. I need something with a higher mortality rate. Like base jumping. Or unprotected sex with Colin Farrell.

It's too bad. I had high hopes for that master plan to die in bed with my pool boy, Chet, at 87. Now it looks like he's going to out of my price range. Pity.