Monday, April 13, 2009

Expert Testimony

Grossness alert - if you have an aversion to vomit, skip this one.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090412/ap_on_re_us/toilet_drowning;_ylt=AnptPVR7tjOxG98bsLK5TnxvzwcF

If they're looking for a volunteer, look no further. I'm approximately the right height, and about 10 pounds heavier. But I do also have migraines. And if this guy killed his wife while she was throwing up during a migraine, the son of a bitch must pay. I verge on being an expert witness here. I've had migraines for over 25 years. Over that time, I've been better and been worse. Most of the time, I get pain, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, muscle weakness and vertigo. But I'd say I've averaged 3 headaches a year that led to outright vomitting. Which gets to be some really depressing math when you work it out. But that's about 75 times that I've worshipped at the Altar of the Porcelain Goddess due to migraine.

In all of those experiences, I've seen it all. I've yerped a little or yakked a lot, felt better immediately after or collapsed next to the toilet and cried in misery for hours, and I've walked to the toilet just in case or not even made it to the bathroom. But I have never, NEVER had my face anywhere near water level. Not even close. Nobody sticks their own head inside the bowl while they throw up. The whole story just sounds fishy to me. And as somebody who's been there, I'd be more than willing to help send him to jail if he really did do what the prosecution says.

Of course, also as somebody who's been there, if it really is possible to drown like this, yikes. One more thing to worry about.

2 comments:

WashingtonGardener said...

Yeah, I'm thinking easy murder conviction on this and he should be water-boarded to boot just to "feel" a bit of empathy. Then he should be force-fed MSG until he develops an acute sensitivity and the resulting migraines. Have fun in jail with all the flaring CFL lighting!

FirePhrase said...

Too right. It just seems like dirty pool to take somebody out while they're driving the porcelain bus, regardless of the cause. Uck. I can't even think of having a migrain under prison flourescents. Makes my eyelids ache just thinking of it.

TIME: Quotes of the Day