Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Granny Rescue Mission

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-amy8-2008jul08,0,6143126.story

I am totally considering staging a rescue mission a la the Colombian security forces. I'm going to track down this poor old lady and liberate her from her nasty butted relatives.

She's 80 years old and they admit she pulls her share of the housework. And she sounds like a nice lady. So, who the hell cares if she gets into her jammies and rollers for dinner? Leave Nana alone! If you're 80, have all your marbles and are moving under your own power, then you get to wear whatever you want. She should be able to show up to dinner in a clown nose and ho gear if she feels like it.

An old lady could have all sorts of very good reasons that she wants to wear her night clothes to dinner. Maybe she doesn't want to wear the clothes that she's worn all day, but has arthritis and can only manage one costume change a day. Or maybe she's being thrifty and wants to save her good clothes from wearing out. Or maybe she's cutting down on the laundry to be done. Or maybe she's such a nice person that it's never occurred to her that her family is such a bunch of uptight jerks that they can't look past the jammies and see that she's beautiful no matter what she wears.

And as for the curlers, old ladies like a nice set to their hair, so just bug off!

Some day, she'll be gone. And they'll wish they could give anything to see those curlers and jammies again. And someday they'll be old and wish their uptight relatives would just unclench a bit and leave them be. So here's the phrase they should learn - "Oh, that's just Mom." And accept her just the way she is.

But since that seems beyond the capacity of their grinchy 3 sizes too small hearts, I'm going to rescue her like she's Ingrid Betancourt, and her family's a bunch of mean old FARCs. I'll drive up to her house pretending that I'm from the local senior center. Then when she's safe in the car, I'll yell, "Suckhas!" out the window as we drive away. Then she can stay in my guest bedroom, and we'll eat in dinner in our jammies every night, knit afghans and watch the Golden Girls. And on top of that, I'll roll her hair for her. And her relatives can just go FARC off.

6 comments:

Desiree' said...

Ok, here is something you people in cyberspace don't know about me. The minute I walk into my house in the evening, I put on my jammies. Then I cook dinner, etc. So, I always eat in my jammies. Unless there are people over, of course. Rollers, however, I don' do.

FirePhrase said...

I think it's perfectly reasonable to wear jammies in the evening. And I don't see the problem with curlers. She just wants her hair to look pretty when she goes on her errands during the day. And if her family is so all fired put off by her rollers, why don't they just buy her a nice turban or a pretty scarf?

Desiree' said...

Oooh! A turban. Goes perfectly with a housecoat. That is a great look for granny.

FirePhrase said...

Or perhaps a nice caftan. Something in a kicky print. Or a pair of Chinese style jammies with the mandarin collar and the little frogs in front. There are options here.

WashingtonGardener said...

I advise a scarf tied around those coolers - easy, done deal. And really what IS the big whoop - she didn't take her teeth out and out them in her coffee cup, did she? I will not name which one of my relatives was in this habit - as he has passed on to the great beyond. These folks need to know when they have it made.

FirePhrase said...

The scarf is an easy fix. My great-grandad's second wife, Granny Jo, had a joke that she used to pull with her false teeth. Cracked me up. Of course, I was 8.

TIME: Quotes of the Day