Okay, so this acquaintance-verging-on-new-friendship (we’re almost there, but need one good bonding experience to put it over the top) just has to tell me about this play she’s going to see (because, you know, I’m “arty”). Evidently, as she gleefully informed me, there’s nudity and simulated sex. AND it’s in this little tiny theater*. Do I want to come with?
Um. No. We all know my feelings on high drama in small spaces. Or even low comedy in small spaces. I just don’t do it. And then you add in sex acting? Absolutely not. I believe that simulated sex should only happen between one woman and one gay man in the privacy of their consecrated marriage bed as ordained by God and Focus on the Family. Okay, that’s probably a bit extreme. I’m more likely to go by the rules I learned in kindergarten, if you didn’t bring enough for everybody, don’t bring it out. No actually, that’s going too far too. I just had a vision of the sex scene becoming an audience participation moment (shudder). Let’s just leave it at why can’t you all just get this thing on the interwebs like normal people?
So, anyway, I regretfully declined. We’ll just have to find some other way to bond. Maybe some local movie theater is doing a midnight showing of Caligula.
* I know the venue because I spent a week their one night watching a musical that I'm pretty sure was written and directed by Satan. Good times.
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