Tuesday, May 25, 2010

We are not amused

You know that scene in the Untouchables where Robert DeNiro as Al Capone is circling the table with a baseball bat? Somehow, I imagine Queen Elizabeth gathering the “family” at Buckingham Palace to discuss business. Only she’s carrying a cricket bat. Or one of Edward the Second’s broadswords. Or maybe even that jewel encrusted scepter. And she stops behind Fergie and knight of the realm’s her brains all over the table.

Cause seriously, if I was QE-Deuce, I’d have had enough. At her time of life, all she really wants is for her idiot children to stop embarrassing her. Or her idiot children’s exes. And Fergie getting caught influence peddling like a Louisiana Senator at an oil lobbyist convention is just plain embarrassing. About the only thing that would have made it worse is if she was actually caught on tape selling access to the father of her children to Borat. Tacky.

The monarchy exists only on the sufferance of the British people. They’re like really, really expensive show dogs. Their job is to look well-groomed and prance politely around the ring. And keep the English flower industry afloat from small children handing them bouquets. But if the Brits suddenly decided that royals are no longer value-added, they will find themselves bounced out on their baby blue butts. And I can tell you, ribbon cutting skills are not exactly a hot commodity in today’s job market.

All people in immediate line to the throne (or consorts there of) need to do is be likable. That’s it. Don’t behave like a douche in public. And this bunch doesn’t seem to be able to get the hang of it. Obfiously no one has explained to the kids who will be the first with their backs to the wall when the revolution comes. I would blame the old girl at all if she wasn’t palming that scepter right now and doing a frame-by-frame review of DeNiro’s batting form. It’s time for a lecture about the old “family business.”

4 comments:

glorm said...

I'm a big follower of the history of the British royal family. These "kiddies" should have taken more lessons from the Queen and the Queen Mum.

This generation is not doing much to earn fans from the public. Therefore, I believe that after the death of the Queen, it definitely will be the end of the royal family as they have known it for centuries. They will have "done it to themselves".

FirePhrase said...

I think you're right there. None of this bunch measures up to the Queen Mum visiting the bomb shelters during the Blitz. There's a reason why she was so beloved.

Not that Wills doesn't appear to be a good boy. But I think he'd be just as content NOT to have to take on that job.

WashingtonGardener said...

I can't stand the royals - Brit or otherwise - what QE2 did back in WW2 for the people is very diff then how she persoanlly treats her family - just ask Charles about "his loving mum." Like amny ice queens, she is very controlling and knows how to work her public image, but in private, you would NOT want to be around her.
I will say that the Fergie incident was all brought on by one of the RICHEST women in the world (QE2) being a stingy, bitch-ass, ex-MIL. Give her a decent living to maintain her royal lifestyle (bodygurads, travel, etc.) and she wouldn't have to embarrass you and take bribes. Further, calling her "NOT a member of our family" was just low and disgusting. She IS the mother of your grandchildren - sheesh.

FirePhrase said...

You know, it was a lot easier for the royals when they could behead anyone who raised an eyebrow at their antics.

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