Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I'm making a list, checking it twice . . .

I just read about the UK Black List. Dude. I totally want one of those. I want a list where I can say “Your behavior is totally unacceptable. You are ridiculous. You are banned.” Though probably, I wouldn’t be qualified to go after the really heavy hitters. You know the hate speech, incitement to violence kind of bad people. I’ll just say ditto to the Brits’ list of people on the naughty chair.

But I do think I can come up with a pretty decent list of people who are just beyond the pale, at least socially speaking. Call me a mean girl, but I think we should just come up with a list of people who affront the common sensibility, disgust the right thinking or just generally annoy on a variety of levels, then ignore them until they do something worthwhile. And really, just people who've proved over a long period of time that they just can't make good decisions about their public behavior. Just to get the ball rolling:

  • Mel Gibson: Go back to your wife, if she’ll have your worthless ass. Act, direct, possibly write a memoir. That’s all you’re allowed to do without seeking the permission of a reliable third-party. No drinky, no talky, no whorey around.
  • Bernie Madoff: Give back the money. And if you can’t give back all the money, give back what you have (even the stuff you hid and are trying to pretend is gone). And make a plan to payback the rest. You are a smart guy. Figure it out. And in fact, you and the dickheads at AIG are all on the same warning.
  • Anyone with an E! reality show, on The Hills, or who has ever hung out with Paris Hilton: Shut up. Get an education. Do something for someone else.
  • Anyone in the media who has made money and gotten their sick jollies in the past 10 years spewing politically motivated hate that has created an ideological deadlock that is ruining our country: You are beyond ridiculous. Say something productive. Or. Just. Shut. Up.

There. That kind of starts things. Though there are plenty more people who could go on the Coal List. And please don’t worry. Being on the list is not a death sentence. We will forgive you. Just admit you’re an assoholic. Make amends. Do better. Until then, you’re on the list.

2 comments:

WashingtonGardener said...

I'm betting bullet #4 will not recognize themselves - I think you'll need to name names.

I'd add anyone who screams obscenities at Little League games.

FirePhrase said...

I'd say half of #4 are true believers who actually don't realize it's their bad. And the other half are the kind of social socio-paths who know damn well who they are.

And I'd add to the sports bullet people who won't admit that just be cause you can rationalize a million dollar salary for an athlete doesn't actually make it right, when a firefighter, cop or teacher is lucky to break $40,000.

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