Saturday, when I was at the movies, the friend who was with me asked afterwards "That wasn't you banging the chairs the whole time was it?" And it wasn't. But I did admit that it was one of my worst habits as a teenager. Whenever I was nervous (which given who I was in those days was about 75 to 80 percent of the time), I'd bounce my knees. It would get really bad during timed tests (tool of Satan), but just being in an unfamiliar place could do it. It took years to stop. Haven't done the jumping bean routine in almost 20 years.
Until I start doing it again this week. I've looked at my desk or a table bumping away, and wondered what could be making that happen? Oh. Me. Possibly because my body all the sudden remembered what it used to do - "Oh, hey! I remember that. Good times." Damn. The thing about nervous habits is, they make you more nervous, not less. I know this. And for chrissakes, what do I have to be nervous about? Chill the F out.
The knee bouncing is one childhood habit where I could have happily skipped the return. Of course, the nail biting, verbal repetition and the lip chewing were no holly jolly Christmas either. I really was a mess. I had weeded most of those down to just rubbing my right ear when I get nervous or uncomfortable. Which is why I never play poker with my sister. Talk about an obvious tell. And she picks up on it every time.
Yeah, well, if all my little neurotic tics think they're going to make a comeback, they can just ferr get it. I kicked their collective asses once, and I can do it again. I may be older now. But I fight much dirtier.
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