Hate to bust your balloon

Well, there’s a kid that’s going to be known as Balloon Boy for the rest of his life. Balloon Boy Graduates High School. Balloon Boy Marries. Balloon Boy Wins Nobel Prize. Here Lies Balloon Boy. Shut up, Balloon Boy. Kids probably would do things differently in their lives if they knew how hard a bad nickname can stick.

The funny thing is that when it came out that the Balloon Boy’s family had been on Wife Swap, I knew instantly which family it was. No doubt. And I’ve seen maybe a half dozen episodes of that show. And on the great bell curve of insanity that is Wife Swap, I don’t remember this family being especially wingnutty. The premise of the show is to take two families that aren’t real tightly wound, that live opposing lifestyles, expose them to each other in a minimum ratio of 3:1, and see what happens. They don’t pick normal people to be on this show. People with standard homelives and a high tolerance for opposing viewpoints would just be bad television (boring equaling bad). The explosion is guaranteed. The only variable will be whether there will be warm, cuddly, people-are-people resolution full of peace, love and understanding between the two families, or a virulent final smackdown fueled by a week of living in close proximity to your polar opposite. I think the producers are fine with it either way it goes. I remember the Heene family mainly for having 2 settings. Off and 11. And for not having a really clear distinction between science-science and Johnny Quest comic book-science. Still, on the Wife Swap continuum, they were fairly normal.

I feel bad for Balloon Boy. Any time you end up on the national news for something this goofy, and yet costly to taxpayers, it’s gonna stick. Whether he was playing a prank that got out of hand, got caught up in some sort of attention-getting ploy cooked up by his parents, or if it was just an honest mistake, anything that involves several Sherriff’s departments, Air National Guard, helicopters and CNN is just going to make you “that kid, you know, Balloon Boy” for the rest of your natural life. Ask Baby Jessica.

Freeze! NCIS

Okay, my latest obsession? NCIS. Loving that show. I don’t know why. In theory, I should be totally uninterested. And considering how long it’s been on, I was totally uninterested for a very long time. It’s military related. Not really my thing. It has a heavy forensic element. And I’m not so wild about those autopsy/bone saw scenes. And it has the quirky goth chick. And frankly, I think that’s a sign of trying to hard. But then, I kind of did one of those leave it on while I’m folding laundry things. And whammo. Fished in.

Okay, let’s get the first reason I’m digging it out of the way. Mark Harmon. So yummy you could eat him on toast points. He was hot in the 80s. And now the silver fox thing is working like gangbusters for him. You could do a reality TV show of him, just following him around all day. He wouldn’t need to have any crazy ass psycho-drama to be must see. Mark Harmon eating scrambled eggs for breakfast. Mark Harmon on the treadmill. Mark Harmon opening mail.

Second, I’m completely into throwback to the 80s shows right now. Basically, character-driven formula drama with a sense of humor. Think Simon & Simon or The Scarecrow & Mrs. King. You know what to expect every episode. You just tune in to see these characters do their thing. If you do it well, these shows are sustainable for years. Lately, every new show thinks it has to have twists, turns, surprises, cliff hangers, jaw droppers. And they burn out way too fast. Look at Heroes. It was “What will they do next?” every episode. Then by the second season, you really just didn’t care any more. You can get bored by constant fireworks. Psych, Monk, Burn Notice, In Plain Sight. All of them have a modern gloss. But at their roots, they could all have been on TV with Miami Vice. And USA is the king of comfort food TV right now. They don’t really surprise me often. They don’t really have to.

Don’t ask me what’s going on in the current season. I’m just kind of contentedly wandering around somewhere in the middle, where I came in. And that’s the really cool thing. Because I’m late to the party, there are all these back episodes to catch up on. It’s all new to me. Nice.

Big Girls Don't Buy (Ralph Lauren)

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/was-the-photoshopped-ralph-lauren-model-fired-for-being-overweight-525248/

Well, when rocks get lifted, you never know what's gonna crawl out into the light of day. Looks like Ralph Lauren had already fired the poor model they'd turned into a scarecrow, prior to the bungled PhotoShop pic from their ad making the news. Cause she was too fat. At 5'10" and 120 lbs.

A quick check of the CDC's BMI calculator shows that at a BMI of 17.2, she would be in the underweight category. Not really badly underweight. Not scarecrow/stick girl underweight. But underweight nonetheless. And Ralph Lauren passed on her, and went to look for somebody skinnier - e.g., more underweight. This seems to be a concept that the fashion industry has a problem with, if you want a tall girl, being super slim isn't going to be very healthy. You can have a skinny girl. She's just going to be short. If you want the girl to wear a size 0 sample, go out and find somebody 4'11". Tall or tiny. Pick. Your choice.

And at 5'7" and considerably more than 120 lbs, I'm obviously way too fat for Ralph Lauren's clothes too. So I'm just gonna mosey on over to the big gals' department, and spend my money over there. And you go ahead and sell your clothes to those tall and skinny freaks of nature. I'm sure there's a lot of them out there. And first thing in the morning, after they've had their black coffee and half a Triscuit for the day, they probably have enough energy to go out and by your glad rags. Sounds like a hell of a sales strategy. Good luck with it.

Whip It Good

Kind of a delayed movie review, but I went to see Whip It last Friday (October is shaping up to be a very full month for me for some reason; lots to chat about). It’s a coming-of-age movie about roller derby in Austin. There were a few faults that any movie snob worth their salt would pick out. But, like Erin Grey’s nose, they were flaws that added to the overall charm. And without them, it would have been just any other cute chick flick, instead of the quirky chick who’s a little rough around the edged but nobody puts in a corner. Movie snobs might be disappointed. But a movie fan would find a lot to like.

So, here’s my usual 3 things:

1. This is one of the few movies I’ve taken my teenage niece to that was about women where I didn’t feel like I was betraying a hundred years of feminism. These aren’t overly primped, primed and spackled women that have been molded into something not-quite-human and are little more than mannequins. The roller girls of Whip It look like rough and tumble, real women: inch-thick eyeliner, torn fishnets and highlights that you had your girlfriend do for you. Gals not girls. Not to say they aren’t glamorous. They are. But it’s an empowered, self-confident glamour that comes from knowing what you’re capable of. Not from what shoes you mortgaged your house to buy. And the roller derby scenes featuring the gals cutting loose, throwing elbows and face planting, are about as thrilling as anything I’ve seen on the screen this year.
2. Andrew Wilson is the missing link of the Wilson brothers. If you’ve ever looked at Owen and Luke and tried to figure out how you get from there to there, Andrew is the missing piece of that puzzle. He’s the Wilsonopithicus. The Ardi of the Wilson family. And a brave, brave man to wear cutoff jean shorts through an entire movie.
3. I loved Marcia Gay Harden and Daniel Stern as the parents. Stern got the Texas dad look down like a circus clown, but he missed the accent by a long chalk. Marcia Gay Harden on the other hand? Nailed it. She had the accent, and the former small town beauty queen thing knocked. But the really nice thing was the two of them together. Two married adults, over 40, flirting. With each other! What a concept. And they were just too cute together.

Trying to get off the bottle (or at least get on to an environmentally friendly one)

For some reason I’m having a hard time finding a water bottle. No, actually not “some reason.” It’s because I’m picky. I want to do the right thing and reduce the amount of plastic bottles in landfill, yet I like my portable water. I’ve been shopping for one for about 3 months, and have yet to find one that’s up to scratch.

The whole BPA-free issue is just the starting point of decision factors. I can’t really do the travel mug style water bottles because, well, I have a nose. And I hate it when my nose bumps the lid. And for some reason, they all seem to have a weird, thick rim, and they all turn into dribble glasses for me. I’m not crazy about aluminum bottles, either, even though they’re uniformly the prettiest. There’s something about drinking out of aluminum that creeps me out. I think it’s bad Boy Scout canteen flashbacks. Then there’s size conundrum. I prefer a 1 pint size. Anything more water than that can get pretty heavy to drag around. But in that size, everything I’ve found is a kids’ model. Not really looking for a Hello Kitty water bottle. And on the juvenile side, don’t get me started about the nipples. I hate the ones that have the delivery mechanism that you more or less have to suck on. I’m 40 years old. I do not need to be in public slurping on a ba-ba. Grew out of my oral fixation, thanks.

You wouldn’t think it would be this difficult, would you? What I really want is a reusable 1 pint Dasani bottle. Nothing fancy. If anybody spots anything out there, let me know.