http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090428/hl_hsn/topicaltreatmentmayeaseerectiledysfunction;_ylt=AvTKof4.0_et2IMnsAssBz3VJRIF
This is just one of those stories that you just know you shouldn't think about too hard.
Friday, May 1, 2009
H1N1 - Contamination Procedures
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1895184_1895183,00.html?xid=rss-topstories-cnnpartner
Possibly not the part of the article they wanted me to take away, but . . .
"You can catch the flu if you're within about six feet of a sick person — otherwise known as the "breathing space" — who coughs or sneezes on you, and a small amount of the virus can survive on inanimate surfaces."
I am now declaring a 6 foot zone of airspace between me and anyone who looks even the tiniest bit peaky. No one who feels less than 100% can violate said airspace. Here are the rules for what will now be referred to as Bubble Of Optimized Breathing Zone:
Possibly not the part of the article they wanted me to take away, but . . .
"You can catch the flu if you're within about six feet of a sick person — otherwise known as the "breathing space" — who coughs or sneezes on you, and a small amount of the virus can survive on inanimate surfaces."
I am now declaring a 6 foot zone of airspace between me and anyone who looks even the tiniest bit peaky. No one who feels less than 100% can violate said airspace. Here are the rules for what will now be referred to as Bubble Of Optimized Breathing Zone:
- If you have a scratchy throat, you should avoid contact with my BOOBZ.
- If you have an inexplicable craving for a ham sandwich, you are not allowed near my BOOBZ.
- If have not washed your hands, don't even think about touching my BOOBZ.
- If you have traveled to Mexico within the last 10 days, you should consider my BOOBZ completely off limits, unless you have proof of a clean bill of health from a physician.
Thank you for observing these elementary precautions. I know we all look forward to the time when this crisis has passed, and can resume normal BOOBZ access. We're all in this together.
Fair Warning: Contains the "H" word, don't read during lunch
So, I had to change to cable tv. (And will be soon changing to another provider. What a freaking nightmare this has been. I won't say the name publically, but if I have the Time I'll call my mother to Warn her about the terrible Cable service.) And it's always interesting to see the different commericals you get on a different provider. I notice the service that I signed up with (and terminated with extreme prejudice this morning) has a lot more local commericals, which I do enjoy (and will miss, as they take their stinking equipment - patooie). They have an indie quality that is kind of refreshing.
What I don't enjoy is that apparently they think their subscribers have a lot of sexually transmitted diseases. And they want to sell them medicine for it. During dinner. A lot.
Granted, I usually eat dinner at 7:30, which is later than some. But earlier than others. I don't think it's an unreasonable time to have a forzen burrito and watch a little boob tube. But it's kind of hard to do when I get 3 commercials for herpes medication in a half hour. And they don't just say herpes once. "Do you have herpes? Val-Herpe-Trix is for the treatment of the herpes virus. It will not prevent a herpes outbreak. You should not have unprotected sex when you have herpes lesions. Val-Herpe-Trix will not prevent the spread of herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Herpes." Stop saying herpes!!!! I'm trying to eat here! And also, don't say lesions! And aren't you supposed to whisper herpes? Like - herpes. Quit sounding so freaking upbeat about the whole thing.
I'm not saying that herpes is shameful or anything. I'm just saying that it's not something that needs to be talked about while I'm trying to enjoy a microwavable Mexican entree. You can say it. Just keep it on the DL. Limit your audience. Like, say, if you had 3 testicles. It's not something you need to tell everybody. Just your doctor, and whoever might see you with your pants off.
And if you must advertise your herpes medication, here is the acceptable commercial script "Do you have herpes? Ask your Doctor about Val-Herpe-Trix." That's it. No more talkey. And you can show a picture of a sunset. Or a field of flowers. And you can only play it between 9:00 pm and 3:00 am.
What I don't enjoy is that apparently they think their subscribers have a lot of sexually transmitted diseases. And they want to sell them medicine for it. During dinner. A lot.
Granted, I usually eat dinner at 7:30, which is later than some. But earlier than others. I don't think it's an unreasonable time to have a forzen burrito and watch a little boob tube. But it's kind of hard to do when I get 3 commercials for herpes medication in a half hour. And they don't just say herpes once. "Do you have herpes? Val-Herpe-Trix is for the treatment of the herpes virus. It will not prevent a herpes outbreak. You should not have unprotected sex when you have herpes lesions. Val-Herpe-Trix will not prevent the spread of herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Herpes." Stop saying herpes!!!! I'm trying to eat here! And also, don't say lesions! And aren't you supposed to whisper herpes? Like - herpes. Quit sounding so freaking upbeat about the whole thing.
I'm not saying that herpes is shameful or anything. I'm just saying that it's not something that needs to be talked about while I'm trying to enjoy a microwavable Mexican entree. You can say it. Just keep it on the DL. Limit your audience. Like, say, if you had 3 testicles. It's not something you need to tell everybody. Just your doctor, and whoever might see you with your pants off.
And if you must advertise your herpes medication, here is the acceptable commercial script "Do you have herpes? Ask your Doctor about Val-Herpe-Trix." That's it. No more talkey. And you can show a picture of a sunset. Or a field of flowers. And you can only play it between 9:00 pm and 3:00 am.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
In the words of Rockwell: I always feel like somebody's watching me
Today, my blogger verification word:
oooooooo. Spooky.
oooooooo. Spooky.
When the math just doesn't work
I wasn’t going to go to see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Number one – possibly the stalest concept in a very stale genre. Number two – their target market is probably not people who think that Matthew McConaughey smells like old socks and patchouli, and Lance Armstrong sweat.
But even if I was inclined to go see it, I’m sensing a slight casting problem. When you look at say Matt and Kate Hudson, you think – okay, I could see that. I look at him and Jennifer Garner and think – she could do better.
And that’s the essence of the romantic comedy for women: by the end you should think the gal and the guy deserve each other. You should think, “Ohhhh, they’ll be so happy.” Not, “Awww, she’s stuck with that idiot.”
There’s a balancing game there. With Kate, I think she’d be happily ever after with Matthew McConaughey. I think they match. With Jennifer Garner, no match. And I think that in 3 months after the sex wears off (possibly 2), she’s going to be thinking, “Please, Jesus, kill him. Cause I gotta get out of this. Don’t kill him a lot. Just a little. Just enough that I can get the hell out of here.” And that’s just not romantic.
But even if I was inclined to go see it, I’m sensing a slight casting problem. When you look at say Matt and Kate Hudson, you think – okay, I could see that. I look at him and Jennifer Garner and think – she could do better.
And that’s the essence of the romantic comedy for women: by the end you should think the gal and the guy deserve each other. You should think, “Ohhhh, they’ll be so happy.” Not, “Awww, she’s stuck with that idiot.”
There’s a balancing game there. With Kate, I think she’d be happily ever after with Matthew McConaughey. I think they match. With Jennifer Garner, no match. And I think that in 3 months after the sex wears off (possibly 2), she’s going to be thinking, “Please, Jesus, kill him. Cause I gotta get out of this. Don’t kill him a lot. Just a little. Just enough that I can get the hell out of here.” And that’s just not romantic.
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