Just because one slice weighs half a pound doesn't mean it's bad for me, does it?

https://promos.thecheesecakefactory.com/?utm_source=DailyCandy&utm_medium=TextLinks&utm_term=TCF&utm_content=Text&utm_campaign=TCF_DailyCandy_TextLinks_Text

This is kind of fun. It's those evil dairy pushers at the Cheesecake Factory, and they have a test to match you with your perfect cheesecake flavor. Digging deep into your personality in 5 easy questions to bring you together with the slice of your dreams. Like Match.com for desserts.

But really, it's chessecake. How far wrong can you go? "I believe your perfect flavor is Rum Mango Swirl." "Oooo. You're right. I think I'd love Rum Mango Swirl. You're amazing." Um. Yeah. 'Cause it's cheesecake. Rat ass with ashtray swirl cheesecake would probably be pretty tasty.

Though they matched me with Key Lime. Have to admit - nailed it.

Breathe, kid. Just breathe.

This weekend, I gave my niece her first 2 lessons behind the wheel. She's been taking the classroom driving instruction, but they want her to know the basics before she does time in the car marked "STUDENT DRIVER - RUN AWAY!" The whole thing is making her incredibly nervous. I'm having trouble getting her to go faster. And by faster, I mean 15 miles an hour. She's decided that 10 is her zone, and she likes it right there. Which, I hope, bodes well for her being a cautious, conscientious driver. But I keep trying to convince her that some day she may want to go on a freeway, and it would be good to be prepared.

I'm trying really hard to be calm and cool while she drives. Gentle little instructions. "Brake. Gas. That's it." Not that she's doing anything all that whacky. It just takes awhile to get used to things like excelleration and stopping. And I remember my dad acting like he was going to have a panic attack every time I did anything wrong. Hissing. Grabbing the door handle. I was totally traumatized. And I don't want my niece to have that nonsense going on. Learning to drive is tough enough.

And since I've been driving since the late Renaissance period, I'd completely forgotten just how hard it is. I'm a pretty decent driver. And I've had the same car (my beloved Barney the Wonder Truck) for years. We're like a cowgirl with her favorite cutting pony. It's almost all body/no brain by now. I don't remember how I do it. It just gets done. But she's at the point where she has to think every little thing out. And thinking can get in your way when you're driving. Try thinking about what you're doing when you back up. It will mess you up. I know there's a trick to how you get into a parking space. Damned if I remember what it is. It's tough watching her sweat it out, and not being able to breakdown the process the way she needs.

Luckily, there will be a driving instructor who will hopefully will actually tell her all the good stuff. Right now, I'm just trying to get her used being behind the wheel. And convince her that she can drive without using a sedative.

Huh. The Grammies.

I usually boycott awards shows.  But I accidentally tuned in.  Then left.  Then got sucked in again.  And I can say, in a preliminary fashion:  Best. Grammies.  Ever.

They finally got it:  comedians, blah, blah, blah, montages, yakking intros.  Nobody cares.  Just get big stars who can perform live and put them on the stage and let them go.  Blahdow.  That's it.  It's what the people want.

A few impressions:

Bono:  I love you.  I still love you.  I will always love you.

Adele:  Admitting you love the JoBros?  How cute is that?

John Mayer:  Did anyone, like me, hold their breath when he won best male vocal, thinking he might have some integrity and get up there and say "Hell, I don't believe it either.  Even I didn't vote for me."  But no.

Allison Krauss:  My next life, I'm going to be her.  The hair.  The face.  The voice.  She's just perfect.

Robin Thicke:  Can anyone explain why he was in the tribute to NOLA?  Not that I'm complaining.  He sounded great.  But.  WTF?  Isn't he Canadian?

Katie Perry:  I think I could actually here the clock tick to 14:59.

Josh Groban:  I am developing this weird thing for Josh Groban.  I have no explanation for this.

Radio Head:  I can't claim to be a fan.  I'm not that cool.  But, seriously, could you guys do something that isn't quite so ballsy?  You're starting to make everybody else look a little like pussies.  On the Grammies of all forums, you do something tough, blatantly uncommercial, weird and not at all  dumbed down.  And you back it with a marching band.  I stand in awe.

The Jonas Brothers with Stevie Wonder:  No.  Just no.

Billie Joe Armstrong:  See Bono.  Ditto.

And overall, nobody phoned it in.  Everybody came to play, and play hard.  Maybe the Grammies isn't dead after all.

The Sure Thing

January and February are notorious for being a movie graveyard. If a movie comes out around now, odds are better than average that it will suck, and suck hard (Coraline being the exception that proves the rule, IhopeIhopeIhope). And even if it's not a total vortex, it will be a really flawed movie that is saved by a good cast.

And that's actually, kind of fine with me. I don't really want something irresistable tempting me to leave my warm homey-of-me-ownie in the dead of winter. What I really want to do is put on my oldest shirt, my rattiest sweat pants and a fresh pair of tube socks, and to sprawl on my couch under my favorite quilt and watch my comfort DVDs. Just have all my favorites piled up and throw them in the player, knowing I'll be happy.

Cause I have a bunch of go-to, surefire, could watch them a million times movies. I can throw in Pride & Prejudice (Knightly/McFayden version, bien sur) and I will sigh every time when Mr. Darcy comes striding through the fog. I can put in the 13th Warrior and get goosebumps during the scene where Antonio Banderas is sitting at the fire and slowly starts to understand the Vikings' language. I can put in When Harry Met Sally and say "You're right. You're right. I know you're right." and "Mr. Zero knew." on cue, every time. I want the Shawshank Redemption, and Andy Dufresne standing in the rain letting those years of prison wash away.

And it's not just laziness. If it was just that, I'd turn on Lifetime and not have to go through the monstrous inconvenience of having to get off the couch to change the disc. What I desire is certainty. To know that, without a doubt, I will enjoy myself. I want comfort food films. Not new. Not novel. Even the best acted, most dazzlingly shot and best scripted movie wouldn't satisfy the way that familiar does at this time of year. Let the new come with the spring.

Crave

Suddenly I'm having a strange yen for a buttered corn tortilla wrapped around a slice of fried bacon.

Okay. That would probably be more strange if it was somebody else craving it. It would actually only be strange if I was suddenly craving tofu.