One of you is out of a job

Okay, so here’s my new game: Hollywood Downsizing. Obviously, the movie industry is having trouble. Costs are high. Quality is low. Hard to make a buck in those situations. It’s time for layoffs. Force reductions. Somebody needs the old heave ho.

And as with any business, with strategic layoffs, the first thing you look for is redundancies. There are tons of actors who will come up at around the same time, get a lot of work, and then because you can’t tell them apart, eventually only one of them survives.

First Example:
Elijah Wood, Tobey Magquire, Topher Grace.
Sorry, kids. We’re going to have to let 2 of you go. Young, square head, puppy eyes, big smile, angst prone. My vote is for Grace, but I know there’s a strong Maguire contingent. Whatevs. We’re cutting the celebrity budget by 66%.

Second Example:
Olivia Wilde, Megan Fox.
We don’t need 2 Angelina Jolie knock offs. Angie can’t carry all the load, but 2 backups is just obvious redundancy. I vote for Wilde. She’s seems like the nicer version. Megan Fox works the bitch face too often, and I’m concerned that she’s not sharpest tool in the shed.

Third Example:
This is one where the similarity has obviously hurt both of their careers. Not enough work to go around.
Mark-Paul Gosselar, Ryan Reynolds.
Tall, rectangular face, blond, hot bod, comedy background, but skewing towards dramatic work. I know Reynolds is kind of the popular choice right now, and has the pity vote (getting dumped for Sean Penn? That's gotta smart). But I’m going to have to boost for the Saved by the Bell alum. Zach Attack!