http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090105/us_nm/us_usa_fbi
Forget it, Feebs. I hate to crush your hopes in this brutal fashion, but I'm just not going to apply. So quit giving me the puppy dog eyes. Not gonna happen.
Yes, I know I'd look all hot and Sculliesque in a non-descript suit with a Glock .50 strapped to my hip. And put me in the windbreaker with the big "FBI" in yellow on the back, and I'd look cuter than J. Edgar Hoover in a prom gown.
But we both know how it would go. You'd see my mad psych skills and want me to be a profiler. But I'm still in recovery from seeing Silence of the Lambs. I get this image of Buffalo Bill doing the tuck and cover, and I just . . . eeewww. Just eeewww. And even though I'd probably make the best hostage negotiator of all time ["Send in the Wendy's fries - extra salt. But no soda. If they want a Coke they're going to have to give me a hostage. How ya like them salty apples, bad boy? And turn up the volume on the Beyonce CD. No, it's not to torture them. I just like "Put a Ring On It". If ya liked then ya shoulda . . ."], but I just can't see spending my time sitting outside a fundamentalist compound. Do you know where those people always live? Waco my ass.
I'm sorry, FBI. It's just not meant to be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment