I’m sitting here eating a few saltine crackers as an afternoon snack. Like many people who grew up Protestant, I have a . . . weird relationship with saltines. Don’t get me wrong, I love saltines. I’m enjoying the hell of out my snack. But they will also always be associated in my mind with Communion.
I know some churches have special wafers. And some use honest to God wine. But at the Church of Christ we had crackers and grape juice passed as the “unleavened bread and wine,” this is my body, this is my blood. (Is it any wonder that I love the vampire and zombie stuff? Holy Communion is pretty lurid.) I now know that my church actually used kosher matzo crackers. But to me, it looked like they were passing around saltines. I was a southern WASP. What did I know from Manischewitz?
Of course, my church is one that believes in the “age of reason” and you can’t get baptized, and therefore can’t participate in Communion, until you’re at least an adolescent. So, Communion was one of those things that were definitely “not for kids.” And what do kids love? Crackers and grape juice. Not only do they pass them around, they put them on special fancy Communion plates. And you could hear the snap of the cracker as the person who dragged you to church broke off their bite, and then the redolent tang of grape juice (wine never tastes as good as grape juice smells). Insult. Grievous injury. None for you. Awwwwww. Of course, we’d imitate the ritual on our own. Raiding the pantry for saltines to put on paper, and Hi C to put in Dixie cups snatched from the bathroom. Profane little monkeys. But at church, the plates would be held high, away from any little hands that might be looking for a sacrilegious treat.
Fine. Didn’t want any anyways. I’ll just grow up and buy my own. And so a lifetime of heresy begins.
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2 comments:
My one experience as a kid of communion at the cousin's protestant church is infamous -- I took a sip of the dixie cup of "wine" and spontaneously yelled out, "hey, this is just grape juice!" all indignantly like I'd been cheated of the real thing, but really I was just genuinely shocked -- no one laughed -- yeah, I was a hit with the sour-puss Lutherans that day.
Just saying, if the reverse happened at my Catholic church today, and some kid yelled out "hey, this is REAL wine" - I know we'd all fall out and be ROTFL!
On the one hand, you'd have never gotten one of the cups at my church. There would have been a Mom Strike Team who'd have taken you down before your hand left your lap. Second, not a lot of laughs during the services. You could have fun in Bible class, but the actual service was dead serious. Church of Christ is kind of notorious for being borderline grim.
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