Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Adulteration of Jesse James

So, the word is that Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock. With a bus stop skank. Without protection. Ugh. If true, I just find this gravely disappointing.

Because it means he’s not what he appeared to be. Which is the reformed bad boy. And who doesn’t like one of those? Especially when they pulled the sh** together young enough to do something with their lives. I mean look at him: the muscles, the tatts, the goat, and that oh-so-lethal twinkle in the eye. And paired with a soul that has travelled the bad road, and had enough sense to turn it around. Ouch. My ovaries. In the pantheon of hot guy archetypes, the Bad Boy has to be in the top 5.

But going bareback with a skank when his wife is at home with his kids from a previous marriage means that he’s not the reformed bad boy. He’s not even a bad boy. He’s a stupid boy. The kind who can’t deal with normal life. Not having things falling around his ears is just a little too boring. And evidently lighting himself on fire and jumping his motorcycle over 12 Winnebagos wasn’t exciting enough either. Nothing livens up the old marriage like hooking up with a hooch, huh, Jesse? Turns out he’s just one of those guys who will never get his crap together, because he can’t handle having all his crap together. And any time things get “boring” he’ll see what he can do to mess up his life. And will drag anyone in his immediate circle into the swamp with him.

Fortunately, Sandra Bullock can choose to exit the scene of the crime and decline to join him in his little psycho-drama (and smart money says she’s hitting the dusty trail out of Dodge). Unfortunately, his kids won’t really get that chance, since their mother is the last time he tried to foul up his life. They’re in for the long haul. Train wreck after train wreck.

All, of course, allegedly.

1 comment:

FirePhrase said...

Oh, ass hat indeed. But I definitely get his appeal. Course, I like a little ugly on a man, so don't go by me.

But his not-so-little mistake, breaking America's Sweetheart's heart (doh!), is probably going to land him in the national doghouse for the rest of his life. Not smart.

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