Yours forever, or just until whenever

I don’t watch the Bachelor. It’s pretty much the antithesis of everything that I am. And if I’m going to watch 20 girls fight over for the twoo wuv of an eligible fella, I’d rather opt for the forthright skankiness of Rock of Love. If girls are going to air their dirty laundry in public, I expect them to have some good ho gear to show off.

But I have to admit that I was mildly intrigued by the “shocker” ending that was getting played up last week. What could be left to shock about this concept? Unless the latest bachelor showed up at the reunion show with a bucket full of roses, saying “I’m moving to a compound in El Dorado, TX. Who’s with me? You get a rose! And you get a rose! And you get a rose!” Polygamy had to be the final frontier.

But no. The big news was that he dumped is “The One” for “The Two”. On national television. I was neither shocked that a man who’d date in the public eye would dump in the public eye. Nor was I shocked that The Two would jump right back on the crazy train. Nor was I shocked that “the most likable bachelor in show history” would show is slimy underbelly at the last minute. Normal people aren’t liked by everybody. Normal people have some traits that some people don’t like. If a person is liked by everybody – watch out. They are keeping their nasty side under wraps. And whatever eventually comes out of their skeleton closet is going to be scare-eee. Like dropping your butt like a dirty bomb on national TV and making out with another woman, on national TV, less than an hour later.

So actually, how many marriages have come out of this show? One? Somehow, this doesn’t sound like any better results than people get meeting people in bars or on the internet. At least with Brett Michaels, all he really promises is to rock a girl’s world. He may not be anyone's Mr. Right, but he can definitely manage Mr. Right Now. And if he ever really did find twoo wuv on the show, that really would merit the title “shocker”.