Which Mountain?

I was so excited about the new Witch Mountain movie. I loooooved the originals. I saw both of them at the drive-in when I was a kid. You may start envying me now. To me that’s an “I say the Beatles at the Cavern Club” level of cultural experience. Okay, not quite that. But still.

So when I hear they’re remaking WM, I was very stoked. And that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was going to be in it was just icing. Cause he’s kin’a cute. To make the understatement of the century.

But seeing the commercials, I just feel a bit deflated. It’s obvious that they haven’t just updated the story. They’ve rejiggered the whole dang thing. Not cool, man. Not cool. Invading aliens? No. They are friendly, refugee aliens looking for a quiet home in the mountains. And they don’t have creepy, drooly faces. They have pretty blond hair and pretty purses. And ESP. Stupid. Invading aliens my sweet ass.

It’s like when you were a kid, and just to goof on you, an adult would totally go off book on a story they’d read to you about 3 million times. Like they’d skip 5 or 6 pages, or add a fire breathing dragon to the Gingerbread Man. “No, Grampa! That’s not how it goes!” Because you’ve read the story to me 3 bazillion times for a reason. I like it. Just the way it is. You can do the Gingerbread Man’s lines in a funny voice. Or add a silly chicken in the middle. But you can’t just screw it up totally. I'm onto that trick.