The 'Berg that took this Titanic down

Okay, this is my latest obsession - iceberg lettuce.

I know, what's to be obsessed about? It's basically just crunchy water. But that's it really. It's crunchy water!

Awhile back a friend (and I'll resist putting in sarcastic quotes around that word, because a real friend would have kept this a deep/dark secret from me that she would have taken to the grave) introduced me to the lettuce wedge at a local restaurant. It's the classic, old school wedge of iceberg lettuce, lovingly draped with bleu cheese and whored up with some crumbled bacon. I understand it was a favorite of ladies who lunch in the 50s and 60s. Basically, it was like falling in love at first sight with a guy who was not my type. Iceberg lettuce is so whatever. I don't really like bleu cheese all that much. But the bacon wasn't exactly a deal breaker. And that first taste was a wrong that was soooo right. Oh, yummm, baby.

But I knew he was bad for me. Bleu cheese is a minion of Satan, fer sure. And I just tried to forget about it. But who doesn't love the bad boy? And about 3 months ago, I just gave in.

Now I'm buying a head of lettuce a week. I don't even want to think about the jars of salad dressing. And salad dressing! I don't even like it that much on a regular salad. But slide a blob onto a chunk of iceberg and I roll over like a $4 ho. It's become my go-to dinner, replacing the bag of popcorn as the quick and dirty meal option. A whack with a big knife, and a glob of dressing on the side - it's dinner time! I don't even need the bacon crumble any more. I've slid that far. And bleu cheese, chili ranch, peppercorn Caesar - the kind of dressing doesn't even matter any more. Last night, I even bought Roquefort. I'm on the hard stuff. And really, the lettuce is just a crunchy delivery system. I'm hooked, man. It's bad. I need a support group.