So last night I sit down to do my taxes (Stop judging me. Taxes are math. I was an English major. Math and me don’t get along. Now if you had to submit your taxes in iambic pentameter, I’m your girl.). And I go to the little pile that I create at the beginning of the year where I dump anything taxish, then promptly forget about until April 13. It’s my system.
W-2 – got it. House taxes – check, check, check. Mortgage statement – checky check. 1099 – . . . 1099 – . . . Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu##. I start flipping through my mail pile. My desk. My cabinets. The shredder pile. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Then desk, cabinets, shredder pile, again, again, again. Nothing.
I start going into the shame spiral of all time. Oh, hell, just hell. How could I be this irresponsible? I’m an adult. I’ve been paying taxes for a quarter of a freaking century. Oh, geez, oh, hell. I know better. I do better. How the hell did this happen?!?!?!?!?!!? I’m on the shame spiral, and circling fast.
I call my bank. “I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid. I don’t know how I let this happen. I’m just so embarrassed. I know I left this to the last minute. I’m usually more responsible than this. Not much more responsible. But more than this. Please forgive me. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Don’t hate me. Help me. You look pretty.”
“Oh, here it is. You earned $7.54 in interest. We don’t send out a statement if it’s less that $10. So you actually never got one.”
Oh. Okay. Good to know.
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4 comments:
I have a tax guy because we're way too complicated (we own 1 house, rent 3, and have a small snowplow business - not much use in Texas!) Our old tax guy retired last year (he'd been doing our taxes for FREE since 1999) so my Aunt's CPA husband agreed to do ours this year. He finished up last night (nail biter for us) and I dropped them in the mail about an hour ago.
I hate tax season. This is one of those times when I wish I was still a kid and blissfully unaware of grown-up complications.
Well, you could run a small snowplow business in Texas. As long as it was really small. Like a foot high, and you gave kids rides on it a birthday parties. Snow? Not so much.
This is the time of year that those flat-taxers make a lot of sense. Just take it out of my paycheck. Don't even want to see it.
I got caught in that too-low-interest for a 1099 thing a few times before - and felt taht white hot panic - they rEALLY need to publicize it more or hey stupid bank - just send a postcard saying that no 1099 will be coming!
My tax accountant costs me a LOT but she is worth every penny as I have no idea how to amortize the cost of my office equipment over 5 years - ugh! Flat tax indeed - how about NO tax :-)
Figuring out how much I owe the government always feels like flea market haggling - "Hey, nice country. How much do you want for it?" "Well, how much will you give me?"
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