Hulk not (box office) smash!!

I just don't get The Incredible Hulk movie. I just don't get it. Wasn't the first one a ginormous flop? Wasn't it just like 5 minutes ago? Was there a reason why they went back to this well?

Okay. I admit. I'm not the target audience. The Hulk was never one of my favorites. Big, dumb, inarticulate guy with anger issues? No tanks. Don't like them sitting next to me at the bar. Don't like them up on the big screen. And seriously. After the first few times you Hulk out, wouldn't you go get a valium prescription. You know. A little something to take the rage off?

But then they make a movie that's in all other ways realistic. Live action. Location shots. Big, green cartoon. You know, I try to get into it. I'm rolling along. Arm guys. Laboratories. Big, green cartoon. And I'm out of it again. And this time they get Edward Norton, a guy known for his methody/veritas/realistic type acting. [Seriously, what was Norton thinking? Does he have gambling debts or something?] And then undermine everything he does with this very, very unrealistic Hulk.

I know CGI is all big and fancy schmancy, but I think they're budget could have been better spent on some good prosthetics. Like Abe Sapien in Hell Boy. The creature work on him was awesome. I totally believed it. Hulk? Not so much. I would have actually been better if they'd taken an actor and put some green body paint and a black wig on him a la Lou Ferigno. Are they just fresh out of beefy dudes in Hollywood? Couldn't they have just greened up somebody like John Cena? (Hold on while I picture that one. Heh-heh-heh. Niiiiice.)

Needless to say, this one won't be tempting me. I don't care if it's got Tim Roth. I don't care if it's got the best script since Citizen Kane. I don't care if they're giving out free t-shirts, cold beer and a chair massage in the theater. Let me re-cap - big, green cartoon. And I am out.