Full Disclosure

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/11/obama.vp/index.html

I'd like to officially notify both Barak Obama and John McCain that, because of special considerations that I have received through my friendships with important and influential people, I don't believe that I could withstand the vetting process, and would like to remove myself from the running from all consideration as the Vice President of the United States. And due to the scrutiny that is so prevalent, I'd like to publicly reveal all of the perqs that I have received and face the world with a clean slate:

1. In 2008, I received extra ice cream because the guy at the Iranian cafe thinks I'm cute
2. In 2001, I was let in to a club for free because it was ladies night, and the bouncer did not require me to show proof that I was female (I offered)
3. In 1999, I got a two for one drink special at Applebees after 7 pm because I'm a shameless over-tipper
4. In 1992, I was given an A on an exam because I was the only one who showed up for class the Monday after Homecoming (Thanks, Prof. Murtha)
5. In 1984, I received a free book from Scholastic for finishing my summer reading
6. In 1980, I got double tickets from a skeeball machine at Chuck E. Cheese
7. In 1977, I got extra ice cream at Baskin Robbins, because the counter lady thought I was cute

So there it is. To the Republican and Democratic parties, please call off your dogs. Allow my family and I to quietly retreat from the public arena, so that we can live in peace. Thank you.