It's a fad

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2008/06/23/pact-or-no-pact/

I've been following this one with the same slack jaw that everyone else has. The female high school students. The pact. The high fives. The 24-year old inseminator. The denial of the pact. At the very least, whether there was an actual plan or not, it's obvious that getting pregnant was kind of trendy at Gloucester High. Like banana clips or Hello Kitty backpacks.

Getting pregnant as the hot new thing to do. And if that doesn't give you a full on Scooby-Doo "Huhruh?" moment, I don't know what will. Where do kids come up with the weird ideas? Like when they think that they'll get sucked down the bathroom drain, or when a friend's 5-year old asked me when his Mommy had the baby if it was going to come out of her butt. What? Those questions that kids ask you where you get stalled just because you can't figure out where the hell they would get that idea.

But these are teenagers, a little old for the truly whacky ideas. So where would "Hey! Instead of getting belly button rings, let's all get pregnant! It will be soooo fun!" come from? Then I heard somebody in one of the interviews say the magic phrase - "unconditional love". They wanted babies because the babies would love them unconditionally. Ah ha.

Anybody who thinks that has never actually met a baby. Baby's do not love unconditionally. It's completely conditional. Feed me. Rock me. Make goo-goo faces to make me laugh. And change my poopy diaper while you're at it. Bitch. Now I will grant that a baby will love you instantly. Pop a bottle in their mouth - I love you. But they're going to want it again in a hour. And an hour after that. And again at 2 o'clock in the morning. All that "unconditional love" is going to take a lot of work.

I'm not baby hating here. Love the babies. I believe that babies are our future. But they are not easy. Babies are work. Which, if kids had to take care of a real baby on their own for about a month, most would hand the baby back after 2 weeks and ask for condoms. Eventually, babies will need you less. They grow up and can feed themselves, and take care of their own poop. They need less from you and the love is less conditional. But unfortunately, if you need unconditional love, it's really had to give birth to a 30-year old.

My suggestion to any teenage girl who's looking for unconditional love and thinking of having a baby - go volunteer at an old folks home. It will be very similar. They don't have teeth. Some of them are in diapers. You can read to them. Take them for walks. And they will love you because you're 15 and you're there. All you have to do is be cute and sweet. Way easier than a baby. Leave the tough stuff to the adults.