So, my cousin's wedding is common up next weekend. Off to Arkansas. Whoo hooo! Okay, AR is probably not considered a glamor spot. But, I do have a moderate level of expectation here. The best fried pickles I've ever had were at a BBQ joint in Arkansas. Okay, that's also probably not most people's idea of a culinary highlight, but I'm easily entertained.
The big difficulty has been finding something to wear. I actually have semi-formal stuff that I could have pulled out of the closet pretty easily. But this is going to be a small wedding at a college chapel. And I have a major hole in my wardrobe in the pretty/dress/casual area. I just don't have any aspect of my life where a nice summer dress is applicable. Plus I don't have a light and summery dress figure. I look better bundled up. I could totally rock a birkha. But unfortunately, the wedding doesn't take place in Taliban occupied territory.
But I found this great seersucker dress in green and white. Little ruffle placket down the front. It was sleeveless, and I was worried about my fleshy arms in a picture. No problem. I found a matching sweater. Then, miracle of miracles, I found a pair of green and white striped wedges. Who's going to be cute? I am.
Of course this is all in my head. Until I try on the whole outfit at home. Yikes. I looked like a sack of potatoes. Lumpy. Shapeless. And just plain odd. Or both plain and odd. Call it plainodd. You've heard of 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag? I looked like 5 pounds of crap in 10 pound bag. I was totally shocked at how wrong I could be. And totally panicked because there was no way in hell I was going to be photographed in this freak show of an ensemble. To be ensconced in a photo album somewhere looking like I had been invited to the wedding so that I could mop the floors after the reception.
So, in a panic I ran to my go-to establishment - Target. Where I found a purple gingham Isaac Mizrahi shirt dress. Sort of 50s looking, with a full skirt. Sleeves, so no sweater needed. And any pair of white shoes will work. I've tried it on twice, checked everything in a full length mirror, in natural and fluorescent light. I'm almost positive I don't look like a nightmare. Almost. I've been wrong before. Obviously. I'm having people over for mojitos on Sunday, so I may try it on for them and get some extra opinions. Since I can't be trusted. One must never upstage a bride on her day. By looking better than she does. Or much, much worse.
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2 comments:
Considering some outfits I've seen at weddings (a blazing red Marilyn Monroes-esque halter dress at a formal evening affair comes to mind) the green & white seemed fine - no one would probably have looked twice. BUt you got an excuse to buy a new dress - rock it :-)
I did a mini-fashion show for my mojito party guests last night. The general consensus was that the green & white dress was not as hideous as I perceived it to be, and was rated higher than the replacement dress my some judges. I'm still going with the new dress. The idea of my upper arms being in yet another set of wedding pictures is just giving me horrors. Sleeves it is.
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