More and more, I’m getting, I don’t know, pissed? Exasperated? Worn out? Here’s the thing – the culture of helplessness that we seem to have developed. It comes up a lot when I’m knitting on the train. Somebody will ask a question about what I’m doing, and inevitably they’ll end with “I can’t do that I just don’t (have the patience, dexterity, creativity).” Can’t. Lord how I hate that word. In fact if James Lipton walked up to me right now and asked me what my least favorite word was, I’d say “CAN’T”. And it’s not that I want everyone to take up needles and yarn. I just want to realize that you could. If you wanted to. Knitting teaches patience. With practice, your dexterity would improve. And there’s nothing like a pile of yarn to turn you creative. Yarn addiction is the mother of creativity. So maybe you’d never be St. Elizabeth Zimmerman, Our Lady of the Clicking Needles. But you could make a scarf. If you wanted to.
I’m guilty too. I’ve always said I can’t grow plants. But thanks to our buddy Washington Gardener, I have a frilled violet named Fred who keeps me company at work, and a sago palm that is one plucky little trooper. Okay. The cilantro died. But I’ll try again! It could work! I can make plants grow! If I want to. But I’m not sure I want to. But I could!
Maybe that’s what hobbies teach us more than anything else. You can. Nothing breeds confidence like success. Or even just knowing you tried. And there are so many things that we “I can’t” to. I can’t cook – so we grab a frozen dinner. I can’t manage money – so we just write checks until the bank takes them away. I can’t handle this situation – so we grab a pill or a bottle of booze to stifle the pain and avoid the problem. Can’t can get you into a lot of trouble.
When I was a kid and I’d try something hard, and try to give up, my Mom would give me that eyeball and say “I Can’t never could.” I had no idea what she meant. I’m starting to. I can. I may not choose to. But, dammit, I can.
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6 comments:
Just remembered this: when I was four years old I swept the kitchen floor of my grandmother's house. She was so impressed with the job that she gave me twenty-five cents (a lot of money in those days, just for floor sweeping) and thanked me.
I replied, "I am able do everything, if I want to."
I've never given it much thought, but it has been relevant to a lot of things in my life.
The last time my great-grandfather was able to come up to the family campout in Colorado, I carried his bags into the cabin for him, and he tipped me a dime. Not a lot of money in 1984. But somehow I was perceptive enough at that moment to realize he was sincere (perceptive was not a steady state for me in my teen years). I'm glad to this day that I thanked him politely. Good memory.
When people say "can't" they really mean "won't be bother to" -- not just in your context of learning a new skill, but also in "I can't go to that party" and "I can't get to that project today" and "I can't get to the phone right now" -- ALL of that is BS and just a semi-polite way of saying: "I'm too lazy/bored/self-absorbed/etc. to do what you have requested.
I have a motivational saying I made up: "no one is born knowing how to do it" -- meaning, whenever I see someone with great accomplishments that I find intimidating (like say a great chef or musician), I think: "hey, they were once a wee baby too and over the years they built up the knowledge base and acquired that skill - if I really wanted to, I could do it too."
My motivational phrase is - anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Even if I suck at it, that's okay. If I want to try, I try. Maybe I'll get better. Maybe I won't. I might like it enough to stick with it anyway, suckage and all. Nobody ever died from sucking at something. Unless you're or a sword swallower. Or a tight rope walker. Or a pilot. Wait. Never mind. Just use your judgment.
That is definitely a factor - everyone wants to be perfect from get-go and there is such fear of failure or even of looking the fool - I say, that if you only do things you know you will excell at - you are going to lead a VERY boring life
Boring?! NEVER!
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