Well, went to see Burlesque over the weekend. Then I read the reviews - Can’t act. Crap script. Too many musical numbers. Not enough musical numbers. Musical numbers not well integrated into the plot. Okay, guys. Here’s the thing. IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE. It’s not a movie-movie. It’s not even a musical-movie. It’s an Elvis-movie.
Whether, if he’d ever gotten out from under the Colonel, Elvis could have ever been an actual actor is debatable. What isn’t debatable is that people went to a raft of his movies to see ELVIS. Whatever hokey plot there was was just there to show Elvis off in a fun location, and offer opportunities for him to belt out 4 or 5 numbers. That’s it. You went to have fun. And see Elvis.
In this case, you’re going to see Christina Aguilera and her fabulous pipes strut across the stage in glam costumes and big hair. And these costumes are incredibly glam and the hair is incredibly big. And it doesn’t matter what you’re into, this show has something to look at: beautiful girls, beautiful boys (in eyeliner, be still, my beating heart), beautiful shoes. It’s the show with everything, and Stanley Tucci. Oh, by the way, did I mention, CHER? Who looks AMAZING! Okay, yes, she’s had plastic surgery. But you don’t get mile long legs from Dr. Hollywood. And she’s so big now that she actually let Christina have the better light in their shots. That’s a star.
My two quibbles with the film were the criminal under utilization of Alan Cumming (he gets about 30 seconds of a naughty number, and 3 good lines – Not. Enough), and that it kind of let the burlesque aspects flag. My niece and I both thought things went pop/burlesque rather than burlesque/pop about halfway through. I’d have been happier with heavier bump and grind.
But really, it was 2 hours of cotton candy for the eyes and the ears. Can Christina act? Couldn’t tell you. She wasn’t really asked to in this movie, all that much. But she did just fine with what she had. Maybe even enough to give her a shot at a real part. Maybe. She could end up a Cher or a Bette Midler (a remake of The Rose? I’m just saying). But if she just puts out a movie every few years where she is in a fabulous location to belt out some tunes, I’d be just fine with that. Return to Blue Hawaii, anyone?
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2 comments:
I loved it enough to run out and buy the sounstrack CD - been belting away with Cher and Christina to my cats' alarm ever since.
Think I'm going to make liking this movie one of my friend dea;-breakers -- you no likie, you clealy no fun.
I think Cher's You Haven't Seen the Last of Me could stand with many of her best.
I'm totally behind the Burlesque Test. Not an absolute deal breaker, mind you. But definitely could determine who you'd call to put on 'ho shoes for a night out on the town. By the way, Xtina's Iowa girl 'ho shoes were perfection.
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