Looking at the celebrity headlines lately, I’ve been making up this fantasy remake of The Breakfast Club. Except instead of high school detention, it takes place in court mandated drug and alcohol rehab. And, for the full updated effect, you make it a reality show.
First, you got your big roles. Charlie Sheen, in a big update/twist, would be playing Bender (originally played by Judd Nelson). He’s much more the “Criminal” bad boy than the jock his brother Emilio played. I can actually picture him in the overcoat and combat boots, walking across the football field with his fist in the air. Then, of course, we’ve got Lindsay Lohan as our Princess Claire. But wait, you say, isn’t LiLo way too young for Charlie Sheen? Technically, yes. But if anyone has a raft of daddy issues, it’s that girl. And she is probably a little old for him. But he’s a pro. He’ll work around it.
Then, you have the other ensemble parts. Mel Gibson? I think he’s our jock with anger issues. And I can seriously seeing him being the kind of guy who would think it was funny to tape somebody’s butt cheeks together. Am I wrong? I’m also thinking Whitney Houston would be good for our kook, originally played by Ally Sheedy. One, there’s the snow dandruff scene. And Whitney knows a little something about snow. Two, didn’t you originally see that movie and wonder why there were no black people at that school? And, okay, Mel and Whitney aren’t actually in rehab right now. But let’s face it. They’re teetering. And for our Brain? Don’t know. But I’m sure you walk into any high priced rehab and you’re bound to find one or two actors to chose from.
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