Walk this way . . .

So, I started ushering for the big performing arts center downtown. Gotta say – luv it!

For one thing, I can pull off the Greta Garbo/half-drag/boy look that is the ushering costume. One of the benefits of having no boobs. Androgyny I can do. It’s the standard “everybody look the same” thing where you bring a white dress shirt and black slacks, and they provide a charcoal, menswear vest and burgundy tie. No style points, and no room for personal flair. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to do be the best little drag boy I can be. So I spent a half hour on Saturday learning to tie a Windsor knot (which one of the male ushers noted approvingly is the “Cadillac of knots”). I think I looked a right treat.

For another thing, it’s a nice social activity for the socially awkward. There’s a weird sense of anonymous camaraderie that you get. There are so many volunteers, you’ll have a smile-and-nod acquaintance with a lot of people, but never have to come up with more than 2 minutes of conversation with any of them. And how hard can it be to like anyone for 2 minutes at a time?

Plus, it gives me the chance to exercise my “alternate personality.” I am painfully shy. But over the years, I’ve developed this other identity. I use her in situations where I have to look like I’m an extrovert. She just struts right up to strangers with a big smile, “Hi! Can I help you find your seats?” All that contact with strangers would make me a nervous wreck, but she seems to do just fine (seriously, I swear I’m not nuts. I think they call this a coping mechanism). I haven’t actually had to use those outgoing muscles in awhile, so I was kind of surprised that I was able to just jump in and be Miss Perky without feeling too rusty.

So, I’m going to sign up for a few more sessions between now and April 1. Keeps me from that blank, accusing stare from the TV. And as for volunteer work, it beats picking up trash by a country mile.