So, while the whole fam-damily is in town, we’re going to do a big family picture. Great! We should do a family picture. It’s been a long time. The last picture didn’t include the sibs’ spouses. And none of the kids were around yet. This is a moment in time. It should be documented.
But lord-love-a-duck, I hate having my picture taken. And this is my own personal sort of vanity, in which, in my head I’m perfectly presentable. Neither a great beauty, nor a complete hag, yet with a certain plain-Jane charm. And on my good-self-esteem days, I can maintain that idea, even when looking in a mirror. But then somebody takes my picture. Well, there goes that soap bubble of optimism. Great googly moogly! Is that what I look like?
And enough people have told me that no, no, the camera is a two-dimensional representation of a 3-dimensional object. And either you are flattered by the flattening, or you are not. I am not. The camera he, don’t love me.
And I don’t take enough pleasure in my own face that I want to work on it. I could stare into the mirror. This angle or that? Half-smile, three-quarter-smile, full smile? Chin up, chin down? Bore me to death.
And even given all that prep work, I’m bound to have a blob of foundation, a lick of hair that sticks straight out from my head, or be the only one in the picture with their eyes closed – “We tried, but this was the best one of the bunch! You were the only one who looked funny.”
So, since there just aren’t that many pics of me floating around, this will be the one that everyone has. Especially the Grandma who keeps saying, “The last picture I have of you is from your graduation. That was a long time ago.” And it will be staring at me from my parents wall every time I go over. Yep. No pressure there. Let the anxiety commence.
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6 comments:
I take terrible pics and I think the chemo left my face even paler because I look like a vampire in pics from the past couple of years. I posted some pics on FB and my mother-in-law even commented on how the camera does not like me.
My last driver's license photo doesn't look TOO bad but that's cuz I had my wig on and I told myself to "Smile, dammit" like I didn't have cancer. It worked and my pic isn't terrible. I should use that technique more often...
"Smile, dammit"? That could work!
You have to think, "I am happy. I am great. I have a GREAT smile" and try to smile like you believe all the BS. Just don't overdo it or you'll have cheesy smile vs beaming smile.
I also look terrible in posed pictures. I never know what to do with my hands so they rest stiffly on my sides, even when I think I'm relaxing as the picture is being snapped.
My better pictures are when I'm caught a little off-guard (unless I'm eating. THOSE pics are terrible. I look like a cow. My dad is famous for snapping away during T-giving dinner).
I always over think the smile, so I ended up with a completely unintentional smirk.
My Dad knows I hate having my picture taken, so he takes "unaware" pictures of me from the back. There are pictures of my ass in about 18 states and 9 foreign countries.
Photogenic = big head. Believe me, after my TV appearances I NOW get it, the people with big heads rule on-the-air -- so wear a hat, fluff that hair, just beware the camera makes small heads look pointy and bland.
Sometimes smiling helps - IF yu have good teeth and you recently whitened. Otherwise, just raise the chin a bit, look the camera in the eye and dare it not to love you.
Dare it not to love me? Oooo. That's a little bold. I couldn't do that. No. Maybe. I could try.
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