Pass, thanks.

I just read a review of a book called How Not to Act Old, by Pamela Redmond Satran. Which, in and of itself, I don't find a bad idea. Times move fast these days. Lots of things happen. You can miss something that the kids are doing, that might be fun, and you may want in on it. Can't let them have all the fun. And I hear all sorts of things all the time, and I hate having to chase down my niece to make her explain them to me.

But, I make snap judgments about the self-help genre based on quick tips that a reviewer drops as samples. I'm not going to drop a tenner on a book if you don't know any more than I do.

The review in the WSJ quoted these: Don't count out exact change; don't yell into the cellphone; and don't dance to "Sexual Healing." By my count that's 3 pieces of advice; 2 stinkers.

First off, counting out exact change. I try never to hand a teenager a twenty. Some of those twinks can't add two and two without a graphing calculator. And if you hand them a full bill, you have to watch them stare at the cash drawer while they figure out how many of the big silver ones and how many of the brown ones they need to give you back. And don't even get me started on the fact that none of them know how to count back change the right way. If it's $15.49, and I have exactly $15.49, I will hand them $15.49. It just saves time.

Second, don't yell into the cellphone. This I grant. It does make you look like your trying to get Sarah to put a call through to Thelma Lou up in Raleigh. But I'd think that not hollering at technological devices would go without saying. [A better piece of advice in not looking old is to not use the Andy Griffith Show as a pop culture reference.]

And lastly, don't dance to "Sexual Healing." Sorry, Ms. Satran. Marvin sings. I dance. That's the contract.

So, as far as the handy tips, I'm coming up with a rottentomatoes rating of 66% fresh. Not good enough to get me to part with my hard earned cash. Of course, one of the benefits of acting old is that you don't have to listen to people who want to tell you how to act. And you get to keep your ten dollars.