So I'm at the Costco on Sunday, to pick up coffee (Costco coffee beyond rocks) and I do my peruse through the clothing section for work shirts. And I see these courdoroy pants for $9.97. I have a complete love affair with courdoroy. LM fabric that feels all cushy, what's not to adore? They're Dockers with the label that says they sit "slightly below the natural waist". Hmmm. I pick them up. Decent flat front. Good angle on the pockets. Just straight enough leg. I flip them over. . . you can't fool me! Those are Mom Pants. There is a certain full, generous, easy fittin' expanse of ass in Mom Pants that is unmistakable. A sort of bwoop-bwoop siren that announces that your backfield is always in motion. And not in that cute, rounded, badonkadonk way. It's just wide. MPs are one stop on the I Give Up Highway that leads straight to Red Hat Club Accessories and Ladies' Fashion Coordinates.
But they were $10. And black. And I really, really need a pair of easy, black work pants. So I just did it.
And I gotta say, I'm loving the Mom Pants. There is absolutely no threat of muffin top. I don't have to watch the way I'm sitting. I'm covered. My hips are all nice and loose because there's not "waistband" cutting off my circulation. It's just all very freeing. My mother would say I look "very nice." In ma big ol' Mom Pants. Comfort, my friends. Comfort.
Everybody kept telling me that things start to fall apart at 40. I just had no idea this was how the wheels fell off. I've hit the slippery slope. And I'm going to be yelling "wheeeee!" all the way down.
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8 comments:
It is Cosco afterall - I'd be shocked if they offer any adult clothes that are not Mom Pants - and yes, full coverage is a good thing after 40
PS what is with all new blog look>
There was a stack of Levi's that were pretty good lookin'. But, you're right, the bottoms really ran to the mom zone.
Man, the high rise pants are a real right of passage. There ought to be some sort of ritual. A Passing of the Pants.
My eyes got tired of looking at the same-old-same-old. Have I mentioned that I can be a tad fickle in my fancies?
Still not entirely happy with the look. I'll probably tinker more later.
There's no way you're dragging me to Mom Pants - not now anyway. Maybe at 50! I have noticed that I tend to wear more capri pants than shorts but I have to be careful since I'm tall because some capris look like, "where's the flood?"
I refuse to wear elastic waist pants as well. A sure sign of MP zone.
As I sat in my comfy Mom Pants yesterday, I kind of had this flash of "Is this how guys feel the first time they were boxers after years of tighty whities?" There was just this kind of feeling of relief. Rapture of the deep, I'm sure. I'm not saying I'm running out and ditching all my low-rise, heiney flattering pants. I'm just saying I'm open to new possibilities.
I have really bad 3-year-old flash backs with elastic waistbands. I'll go to overalls before I do those.
Oh, I don't wear low-rise either. I got a little muffin top that does not need to be exposed to the world. I just want a normal rise jean, semi-relaxed but just tight enough to make my heinie look good. Is that too much to ask?
There must be some sort of trigonometric magic formula that has a low enough rise to make your backside look good, but not to let the muffin top out of the bag. With, like, cosines and stuff. Damn. I knew I should have paid more attention in math class.
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