Give in to the impulse buy

Okay, last week, while I was having my giggle fit at Target, I went into that glassy eyed, I’ll-buy-that-for-a-dollar. They could have sold me the Brooklyn Bridge it’d had a little red clearance sticker on it. Zippo candle lighter? Sure. Sword and sorcery flick starring Colin Firth? I believe I will. Frog socks? Get in the cart! All part of my effort to stimulate the economy. You’re welcome, America.

And then I was in the lingerie department (and if the stock includes Fruit of the Loom granny panties, can it really be considered a “lingerie” department? I guess “Underwear” or “Drawers” would look kind of déclassé hanging from the ceiling), when I was next to the bra accessories end-cap. You know, strap extenders, pasties, chicken cutlets. And I spotted a knock off version of those plastic doo-dads they have on the TV that hook the straps of your bra together in the back. Given my heavy duty case of shopper’s fugue, it was inevitable that they would go home with me – you will be mine, oh, yes, you will be mine.

Gotta say – genius. Those things are amazing. For a two-bit piece of plastic, it may be up there with the Salk vaccine as far as things that save civilization. Or save me a little annoyance, which in my world view is pretty much equal. Basically they turn any bra into a racer-back. BUT, a racer-back with a back closure. As I said, genius. Cause I hate front closure bras. Unless you actually are exactly the size on the tag, front closure bras never fit right (and really, do they make humans in 2-inch size increments?). So, using these little plastic hooks (that really are that easy to put in – believe the hype) I get that critical 3-hook fudge space, for things like water retention and Blue Bell Ice Cream consumption, but I’m not losing my bra straps over my shoulders. I don’t know who invented these things, but I’m thinking of starting some Nobel Prize winner buzz. Who do you suppose I’d talk to to get that going?