From Lovelorn to Porn

Why do the freaks have to ruin everything?* Craigslist used to be a fun place to find somebody who’d let you have a nice pool table for $100. Now it’s a good place to find somebody who’s willing to ventilate your skull for you, no charge.

And until all the stuff that’s come out recently with people being robbed, raped and murdered, I wasn’t even aware that Craigslist had personals. In spite of it all, I had this moment of memories of reading the local alt newspaper personals. I used to pick up the City Paper in DC or the New Times in Phoenix in high school and college, and sit to giggle and groan over the ads. Truly an education.

Originally, they had them all mixed together. SHM seeking BiF. MWF seeking SBM. GWM seeking SWF (What? Why?) Some were sweet. Some were twisted. Some were twisted and sweet. Whatever creamed your coffee, you could probably find in the personals. But I hadn’t even thought to look at the ads in years. I heard Craig’s had personals. What the heck? Take a click down memory lane.

I went straight to my old time favorites – missed connections. “You – blonde in red convertible, doing 115 on 75 Expressway. Our eyes met . . .” People can be so charmingly optimistic. I clicked on the first ad and discovered they’re also exhibitionistic. Evidently, the aluminum soda can is the new standard of measure. I clicked 3 links and discovered that, in order to show perspective, men are now photographing their personal attributes next to cans. (The range appears to Red Bull, Rock Star, Guinness. If you’re a Donald Duck orange juice, I guess you just keep it to yourself.) This is in the “missed connections” section! I’m not talking about the “casual encounters”. I can’t even imagine what they’re taking pictures of over there. Aren't the MCs supposed to be shy folks? Evidently not any more.

Gone are the days of innocence, my friends.

* Let me make this distinction: There are freaks, and there are freaks. Some freaks, or Free-ks, are fun loving individualists who let their flag fly. The other kind are just spoilers who can’t let a good time get in the way of making an ass of themselves. And I think, deep down, everybody knows which one they are.