Watch out. Here comes the Bride

I think that Bride Wars kind of defines what I think is wrong with Hollywood these days. I can state ahead of time that it is within the realm of possibility that I could be wrong in this. It could be a charming romp that delights from an opening montage set to an appropriately upbeat 80s tune to the closing credits accompanied by a sappy jingle by whoever the up and coming pop princess of the moment is (just guessing). But I look at the trailers and I can't see anything there that I haven't seen at least a dozen times before. A silly movie with an even sillier plot, punctuated by pop culutre gags. Bo-ring.

And I used to loooooove these silly bits of non-sense. But let's face it, there isn't a Billy Wilder out there writing these things anymore. I don't think even Billy Crystal is writing these anymore. I'm starting to think there's a ROMCOM3000 program that spits out this drivel. The dialogue sucks. The plots are laaaaaame. And the poor actors are relying on charm and bone structure to get them through. That's a lot to ask. And there's only so many times you can ride that pony.

And speaking on relying on charm to get them through - was using Bride Wars as a vehicle for Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway really necessary? If you're going to use a stale bit of fluff as a vehicle, you'd better put people in the parts that can make something out of it. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane is a piece of crap. But it's a piece of crap with Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. Now that I want to see. You know what would have made Bride Wars worth the ticket and the extra big bucket of popcorn? Meryl Streep and Glenn Close. Ah, hell yeah! That says blockbuster. Meryl and Glenn wrestling on the floor of the Plaza in white taffetta? Sublime. And Hudson and Hathaway could be bridesmaids standing around looking aghast. And maybe learn something. Someday they may have the chops to bring a stale screenplay on home. But it ain't today.