Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Holiday Challenge

Happy Fourth, my little chickadees. Hope y'all have a lovely holiday. But how will you know if you've actually had a lovely holiday? I offer The Holiday Challenge. It's a point based system that will allow you to know if you've actually achieved Fourth of July bliss. Good luck!

  • Eat one food item artificially colored blue (artificial, people! Blueberries don't count you health freaks!) - 5 points
  • Play frisbee - 7 points
  • Wear red, white and blue - 5 points
  • Use a water pistol - 5 points (10 bonus points if the person you spray isn't a kid. 20 bonus points if the person you spray is a cop - have fun trying to spend 'em in jail.)
  • Use a sparkler - 12 points (if sparklers are banned, stand in the dark holding your hand in front of your body, saying "Oooooo!" Double points.)
  • After at least one fireworks blast yell, "That's what I'm talking about!" - 5 points
  • Eat a hot dog - All beef kosher dog - 5 points; tofu dog - 10 points; hot dog of undetermined provenance - 20 points, but it's your funeral
  • Eat ice cream - 5 points (hand cranked, peach ice cream - 0 points, who the hell needs freaking points when you've got homemade ice cream?)
  • Clap along when you hear The Stars & Stripes Forever - 10 points
  • Watch fireworks with a kid - 100 points

2 comments:

WashingtonGardener said...

I did almost all of the list EXCEPT for the Sparkler bit -- A. they are illegal here B. never was much of a fan on them - so glowsticks it is here in the Nation's Capital

FirePhrase said...

Good for you! A glow stick is a reasonable subsitute. But I have to admit, I've got the big love for the sparklers. Especially the really old school skinny ones with the metal sticks, that make your arm tingle when the sparks get to close. That's some kind of fun, man. Luckily, no chance of them being banned in Texas. You'd have a better chance of banning beer, than trying to pry a Black Cat from a Texans cold dead hands.

TIME: Quotes of the Day