Urban Ornithology

I don't know if their populations are increasing. Perhaps this species, once rarely seen in the urban landscape, is migrating toward city centers. Perhaps through interbreeding, like the pigeon, they are becoming a hardier species. Perhaps, because of the same pressures that are forcing the coyote to range farther in search of habitat, they are venturing into previously unoccupied terrain. Or maybe I'm just noticing them more. Suddenly, I spot them at concerts, at bars, at the grocery store, at the movie theater. It's the Rooster Stud.

The Rooster Stud is small to medium-sized male hominid. Usually standing between 5'11" and 5'6". Frequently seen clad in t-shirts that fit them when they were a junior in high school, though they may or may not have grown since then. The Rooster Stud also favors cargo shorts and flip flops. They can be recognized by the faintly questioning tilt of their head, that flips from side to side as they track shiny objects with their beady little eyes.

They also have only one posture, whether for mating or aggressive displays: hands at about hip height, elbows back, knees slightly bent. They will bob through a crowd, repeating emitting their distinctive call. Where the avian rooster will cluck, the Rooster Stud will vocalize - "What? What?" Much as the Surfus Erectus can use the word "Dude?" in many forms (Dude? Dude! Duuuuude . . .), the Rooster Stud will use "What?" to signify a wide range of emotions, from surprise to amusement to a menacing pre-amble to territorial scuffles. The signal of territorial aggression will also be accompanied by more pronounced head bobbing and elbows being moved farther back as the chest puffs out. If you see this sort of posturing, it is best to leave the area immediately. Blood will most likely be spilled. Frequently Rooster Stud blood.