Following Suit

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93613600

I can see where the Knights Templar might have a tiny grudge against the Vatican. Those old boys got taken to the woodshed by the Pope and Co. back in the day. The Knights Templar were very rich and very powerful in the Middle Ages. And now they're a whacky plot twist in the Da Vinci Code. How the mighty have fallen. And the Catholic church seems to have done fairly well over the years. You may have heard of them.

And in fact, I'd like to announce my own personal litigation with the Vatican. I'm a legitimate descendant of the Druids. And I, as the rightful heir, am suing the Vatican to get back Christmas. We want all of it back. The tree, the holly, the yule log, the mistletoe. And we especially want December 25 back. That was ours. The Baby Jesus needs to take his birthday back to the spring where it belongs.

Not coincidentally, we, the Druids, would also like all associated revenues for the Christmas/Winter Solstice returned to us forthwith. We deserve a piece of that action. I understand that the actual costs would be hard to calculate. So let's make it an even $1 billion. In tens and twenties. Delivered to me. Personally. I'll take care of the headache of making sure the money gets distributed to the rest of the Druids. You're welcome.

Pope Benedict, you know where to find me when you're read to settle.